Now children, are you sitting comfortably? Well then.............
Well then you are very lucky bastards and what the mothering blah de blah have you done to deserve what I so dearly crave and require?
It all started with my mother. Yes I know the laments of so many Gay men start along those lines. But no it wasn’t because Zena made me a queer – ‘if I give her the wool will she make me one?’
No, it was more as a token of her passing last year Dad gave us a small financial token in lieu of compensation. Two of the things I spent mine on were a week away from whatshisface on a motoring tour of the Outer Hebrides and a new sofa.
Now as you will have known from my previous chronicles - shared for your education and amusement, the week in the outers was amazing and mind blowing and enriching, etc., etc..
But you may now recall that the sofa isn’t something I’ve spent much time discussing in my despatches. Seems strange I now as most people regularly blog about their seating arrangements. But please, it has always been so uncomfortable which is only worse because the sofa was purchased to replace a very uncomfortable sofa.
How hence the why not replace it with a comfortable one?
Yes, well how clever you are to ask such a plain question, but you see the thing is I purchased the new sofa on looks and online – trusting in comfort and dreaming of anticipated snugness.
It was nether, but I had more important things to worry about – the eviction of the tedious and the repatching of a life made semi orphan.
But as some of those close to my well being will attest, I do suffer on occasion with my back – and so support and comfort are two very important things to me. Importantly the other thing Zena provided for was the purchase of a new bed which has been life changing, but the seating remained poor and increasingly annoying.
So the other day in a brash but controlled bolt of inspiration I announced (to myself) that enough was enough! That piece of shit is leaving here and it is leaving here now!
I felt so liberated, but realised that I wouldn’t simply be able to stand of an evening. I quickly determined that I wanted to replace the monstrosity with 2 comfortable chairs rather than a new sofa. As those of you who have enjoyed social intimacies over the years here in London’s glittering East Dulwich will testify, my garden apartment is only tiny. So I began to see how the flexibility of chairs over the hulking brutishness of a 3 seater could present a series of affordable advantages both to me and to my guests.
So first it required me running the no sofa concept passed a selection of my inner circle. Mixed views here, with some suggestions of researching a firmer and smaller sofa, but I clearly heard some views that twinned with mine, so I branded them as a general consensus.
The key to my replacement strategy does teeter on my being off work the week after next and so having time for removal and advancement. So I threw caution to the wind and have already booked the council to come and get my old sofa. I trawled the net and identified a number of pleasing on the purse and the eye options and this weekend set out in my trusty motor to sit on said examples and to gauge the levels of comfort they could bestow upon my requirements.
Interestingly I changed my mind several times during the testing period, but have now anchored on 2 chairs – one which I have bought and is here overcrowding (pre sofa removal) my sitting room and only providing modest payback for the eye, but bringing riches untold to my need for comfort and support. And my second chair is now being made to order. A more traditional armchair which I sat on a sample of and which was lovely both on the back and on the eye. This comes in December, so when the sofa goes next week I will enjoy chair 1 and lots of space, and 6 weeks later I will have two comfy chairs, a much happier back and all in all my life will be one step closer to perfection.
There are lots of steps mind, but one closer is still closer.