In an unprecedented flurry of unrelated events, today has seen the nation ordered to it's knees/made to bend over by a string of deceit.
Only days after not shortlisting me for the job I applied for, the BBC has been thrown into complete turmoil with the revelations that production assistants across the nation have been posing as viewers during phone in competitions. For contractual reasons I am not allowed to say anymore on this matter at this time.
However what I can comment on is the drug guzzling Labour party, who have today been outed as skunk munching junkie's.
Not only Jacqui "I did break the law... I was wrong... drugs are wrong," Smith, but church loving, equalities loathing Ruth Kelly and Chancellor Alistair Darling! All skunk munchers!
Now I don't want you to to think that I have led a life free from sin. As I always say 'May he who has a green house gather no moss.' I think we can all learn something from that, at least I hope so.
Obviously the details of my youthful indiscretions don't need to be replayed here - that would just be vulgar. But let's just say I have drunk cider at discos and I have been known to have a Sobranie or two - now let's just leave it at that.
In relation to competition rigging I too am guilty. Not, you'll be pleased to hear, whilst bingo calling at the sixth form old folks Christmas party, but ladies and gentlemen I was once asked to draw the winning ticket in a raffle and instead of reading out the number on the ticket I drew, I 'randomly' read out the number of the ticket belonging to one of my friends.
It was wrong and I'm not proud of it. I have asked myself to 'step back' from future competition rigging and in a press statement earlier said that I had nothing more to add, and I'm sticking with that.
In other news, why don't you ever see skinny people eating pasties in bus shelters?
All the best from the west,